This is the very l-a-s-t thing I ever thought I would tell anyone about, let alone write about... Even though we all know it can happen to anyone- there's still a certain amount of shame, humiliation and embarrassment associated with it. And having gone this many years avoiding the situation, I thought myself invulnerable! There just had to be something wrong with those people it happened to...
Yeah, I (as in we) finally succumbed- we got the dreaded (yes, I hesitate even now) bedbugs! I know, I know... that initial wave of disbelief and disgust, the very thought of those creepy crawlies going about your bodies in the dead of dark and having their way with you. Not fun. And honestly, the thing I'm most amazed about to this day- is that we went this long without being compromised...
They are a problem in every major city, the most expensive of hotels are not immune and your personal cleanliness is not at question- you can unknowingly become a carrier almost anywhere or anytime, either with their eggs or live (or dormant) adults. They can hide and fit just about anywhere (and I do mean a-n-y-w-h-e-r-e)- to this day I have no idea where they came from, but the list is pretty much limited to... most anywhere I go on any given day. I live in a city where homelessness is rampant, I sit in the same seats they also occupy in city buses and trains, there's not a day when I don't pass discarded mattresses and other furniture on city sidewalks, and I can only echo what one person stated in the NY Times about his queasiness when sitting at your neighborhood theater- something we often do!
That said, I first started getting bit a few weeks upon returning from our abbreviated vacation last year. At first, I naturally thought mosquitoes, but I always eventually hear them. Fleas? Our cat's don't have 'em! Spiders? Blood sucking spiders? Hhmmm...what else is left? AWW, SHIT!!! Bedbugs!!!!!
We checked the mattress, linens, pillows, etc- Nothing, nada, zip... And still, I kept getting bit! Didn't touch the vegetarian wife even once, but juicy, meat eating me kept getting bit- and they itch like a Son-of-a-Bitch!!! Didn't see 'em, didn't feel 'em, but... kept getting bit all the same! WTF!!!!!!!!!!
We checked the mattress, linens, pillows, etc- Nothing, nada, zip... And still, I kept getting bit! Didn't touch the vegetarian wife even once, but juicy, meat eating me kept getting bit- and they itch like a Son-of-a-Bitch!!! Didn't see 'em, didn't feel 'em, but... kept getting bit all the same! WTF!!!!!!!!!!
One weekend, after doing some serious online research, we went to town with a fine tooth comb. The wife (amateur, forensic sleuth she imagines herself to be) discovered two in a bedside picture frame- and we fucking freaked!!! What the fuck do we do now!?!?!? We'll have to fumigate, eradicate, evacuate!!! If they're in a goddamn picture frame, they must be... everywhere!!!
After the initial PANIC! we regained our composure and steeled ourselves to see just how bad it was; magnifying glass and flashlights in hand, we turned the bed frame over- a half dozen in the tightest of wee cracks in the corners of our bed frame! And we kept looking: books, magazines, lamps, adjacent furniture, more picture frames, cat beds... Amazingly, that was it, at least- that's all we could find. We sprayed the picture frames, bed frame and adjacent furniture with alcohol and natural (essential oils) bedbug spray, caulked up the cracks between floor and wall, laid out traps, and finally- bite free... for two weeks.
Someone either hatched or revived, escaped and was hungry- what now? New bed? Fumigation? Institutionalization!?!?!? I voted new bed- but what if the "new guys" came not from the confines of the bed frame innards we couldn't reach, but from somewhere close by? Again, The Wife sprung into action: got a giant white plastic tarp, (and after checking the mattress, linens and pillows to make sure they were 100% bed bug free) wrapped up the bed frame in thick plastic tighter than, well, a bed bug- and then secured each and every gap with a coupla miles of masking tape. No one, no matter how small, was gonna sneak outta this plastic coffin! And if I did get bit again, they'd be coming from beyond the bed...
That was several months ago. Is it over? Yes, for now- fact is, we could get re-infested at any given time. And, truth be told, we were kinda lucky- they weren't crawling about by the hundreds or thousands as in many a bed bug horror story/video out there where they've just simply taken over; we're pretty clean to begin with, we didn't have to undertake extreme measures. But we're armed and ready for them next time- and relaxing at the local bijou will never be quite the fuckin' same...
After the initial PANIC! we regained our composure and steeled ourselves to see just how bad it was; magnifying glass and flashlights in hand, we turned the bed frame over- a half dozen in the tightest of wee cracks in the corners of our bed frame! And we kept looking: books, magazines, lamps, adjacent furniture, more picture frames, cat beds... Amazingly, that was it, at least- that's all we could find. We sprayed the picture frames, bed frame and adjacent furniture with alcohol and natural (essential oils) bedbug spray, caulked up the cracks between floor and wall, laid out traps, and finally- bite free... for two weeks.
Someone either hatched or revived, escaped and was hungry- what now? New bed? Fumigation? Institutionalization!?!?!? I voted new bed- but what if the "new guys" came not from the confines of the bed frame innards we couldn't reach, but from somewhere close by? Again, The Wife sprung into action: got a giant white plastic tarp, (and after checking the mattress, linens and pillows to make sure they were 100% bed bug free) wrapped up the bed frame in thick plastic tighter than, well, a bed bug- and then secured each and every gap with a coupla miles of masking tape. No one, no matter how small, was gonna sneak outta this plastic coffin! And if I did get bit again, they'd be coming from beyond the bed...
That was several months ago. Is it over? Yes, for now- fact is, we could get re-infested at any given time. And, truth be told, we were kinda lucky- they weren't crawling about by the hundreds or thousands as in many a bed bug horror story/video out there where they've just simply taken over; we're pretty clean to begin with, we didn't have to undertake extreme measures. But we're armed and ready for them next time- and relaxing at the local bijou will never be quite the fuckin' same...
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